Having (Literally) Nothing to Wear

When losing weight, everyone talks about how much effort it is going to take, how it's a complete lifestyle change, how happy you'll feel when you're a thinner version of yourself, how confident you'll be in your own skin etc. What people to fail to mention is the biggest craptastic aspect of losing weight: no longer fitting into the clothes you own. Yes, I acknowledge that many would consider dropping clothing sizes to be a good thing (and I too do a happy dance when my size goes down) but having to replace a wardrobe sucks!

This evening I was getting ready to go out with some friends and while I was getting dressed I realized that my entire winter wardrobe is too big on me. Since last year, my body has changed enough where I can no longer wear any of the sweaters I own. I can't even turn them into the long sweater dresses because they're just too big and baggy. I'm honestly not happy about this at all. Call me crazy seeing as how many women would love to have my problem, but I feel like I have two completely valid reasons for being peeved by this development.

Reason number 1: I now have to spend the money to replenish my obsolete wardrobe. Don't get me wrong, the idea of going shopping is very exciting, but I don't like having to spend the money on clothes. The only reason I used to buy so many clothes in the past was because I worked at Gap and received 50% on everything. Now that I'm no longer working there, I really do not want to spend $75 on a sweater. Even if I were to go to cheaper stores, the amount of money it takes to build up an entire wardrobe is huge! That is money I do not have. It's just really really frustrating.

Reason number 2: I have some pretty awesome memories in my clothes. When I look at an article of clothing in my wardrobe I don't just see a pink tweed vest; I see the vest that Danny insisted looked fabulous on me when I was still debating if I could pull off the vest look. I see the cream sweater my old roomie gave me that I wore to my internship's Thanks-for-Giving party where we goofed around the whole night. I see the black off the shoulder sweater that I wore to my friend's family's annual Trivial Pursuit night where not only did the women win for the first time in like a decade but we all laughed the entire evening. Each article of clothing holds a special memory for me and to get rid of that piece makes part of me extremely sad. Yes, I will always have the memories of these great times, but giving away these clothing pieces feels like I'm giving away a part of myself.

In the end, losing weight and changing who you are means saying good-bye to a part or aspect of yourself. Generally it's the overeating self-loathing couch potato part so you don't mind too much, but every now and then it means saying good-bye to that happy college version of yourself where you only worried about passing the next test and writing the next paper. It means saying good-bye to that part of yourself that was blissfully unaware of how truly large you were and fully embracing the you that knows you can still be better. Then again, maybe this is just what it means to truly grow up, become an adult and be that most mature version of yourself possible. What do I know, though, I've still got plenty of weight to lose and heck of a lot of growing up to do.