Why hello blog. We meet again. You missed a pretty exciting year in 2012. I joined a local gym, got a couple of trainers, worked my ass off (literally) to get into super awesome shape, ran another half marathon, and then let all my hard work go to shit. But we all know that is what I do. That is the cycle that I live in. I gain weight, get upset about it, gain a bit more weight, hit a breaking point, lose anywhere from 30-60 pounds, plateau, get content, drop off in the exercise and food maintenance, and then gain the weight back. In 2006 I lost a fair amount of weight when I lived in Rome, but I put all of it and a shit ton more on up until I graduated college in 2008. The first year after college I lost a fair amount of weight and then I lost even more in 2009/2010 when I joined FFC and ran my first half marathon. I gained about 3/4 of that weight back in 2011. So when 2012 started I was again fed up and took that step with the personal training. But here we are in March of 2013 and I'm at a weight I haven't been since 2008. You'd think that would scare me and motivate me to get out there, but for some reason I haven't had that moment yet. I'm still in the self loathing stage. As I've learned in school, I'm back in the Preparation Stage. I've made an attempt at change in the past year and I'm looking to start making a change in the next month.
I'm not sure why it has been so hard for me to get motivated even though I know how crappy I feel in my skin right now. It could be the combination of school and work and stress that is sucking the life force out of me (seriously, some days I honestly feel that way). But part of me knows that is not true and that if I were truly motivated I would make it happen no matter what. So with some friends and the hope of getting my ass in gear I signed up for some races to help get me back on track. I first signed up for the Shamrock Shuffle which is April 7th. That is an 8k so just under 5 miles. It shouldn't be too bad if I start running again. It just sucks that it's still fairly cold out and cold weather running is not my thing. I then signed up for the Run for the Zoo 10k in June. Plenty of time to be ready for that. And lastly, and mainly for fun, I signed up for the Color Run which is also in June. That one should be fun because I've been able to get a few friends from school and work to sign up for that. I'm pretty stoked for it.
Then you have last week when I came back from bowling (yes, I'm on a bowling league this winter) and I was feeling inspired by Isaiah. He asked if I was running any halfs this year and I said no and he was all like, "Nothing like signing up for a run to help you get motivated to train for it!" Which is something I totally already know, but coming from Isaiah it just seemed different. Plus, now I kind of don't want to let him down by not doing at least one. I know Isaiah wouldn't care either way, but I feel like running is something that I can share with him and no matter what he is always supportive and proud. So I came home, looked up the Chicago Half Marathon and signed up. I also saw that there are two separate ones and if you run both you get a special "Windy City Challenge" medal. In my head I'm all "Well I want to get a special medal!" so I go and sign up for both races.
I was pumped and excited after I did, but a week later reality is definitely setting in. I'm not regretting my decision, but I definitely need to take an honest look at how I am going to approach this. For my first half I trained at the beginning and at the end and it worked out ok for me. I didn't do all that great, but I finished. Plus, mentally I was in a great place. For the Rock 'N Roll half I did last July I trained for the first month and then nothing. Needless to say that did not go over well for me. Not only did I suck it up in the running, but mentally I was a complete mess. I was in way better shape before that half than the Detroit half, but because my mind was not there it was one of the worst experiences ever. I never want to repeat that.
With that in mind, I move into my pre-training period. I start officially training in 2 weeks and it is certainly something. I bought a couple of the Runner's World books to help me. I'm hoping that if I read those in conjunction with adhering to the training schedule I will not only be physically prepared, but mentally prepared as well. I know my lack of training set off a lot of my mental backlash, but I also know that there is more to it. I need to feel confident again like I did the first time. I need to be able to stand at that starting line and instinctively know that no matter what happens, I can do this and I will finish. I know this isn't going to be easy since for the first 6 weeks of training I have both school and work to deal with. But like I said, I can't have a repeat of last year's half and I honestly think I would do anything to avoid that.
So there you have it Blog. Starting all over again like I have so many times before. But I'm not going to sit here and be upset with myself because obviously I've done enough of that already. What I am going to do is be proud of the fact that I'm starting to take that first step again and get back out there. I am going to once again take it one day at a time, one step at a time, one decision at a time. That is how I will get through this and succeed. And succeed I will, because 2013 is going to be the best year yet for me.
