Everybody Poops (Hopefully Not in Their Pants)

For the past 2 days I have been debating about whether or not I want to share this piece of highly embarrassing information with you all. After much consideration, though, I realized that this blog would not be a true story of my weight loss journey if I did not share the ridiculous things that happen to me along the way. So here, for your reading pleasure (and most likely amusement) is the story of what almost turned into the most embarrassing moment of my life.

My gym routine is pretty standard. I do a warm up, stretch, do crunches, do my strength training and then finally my cardio. Over the past few weeks I have been running a mile as a warm up mainly because I feel like being able to run the mile should be an easy task and if I keep doing it hopefully I'll get to that point. So I'm on the treadmill doing my mile run and from the very beginning I'm feeling really great about this run. It was literally one those days where I just felt phenomenal and knew that I was going to be able to push myself further. By song number 4 (which is more or less the number of songs it takes for me to run a mile) I knew that I was going to be able to keep running. Please also keep in mind that I have been trying to build my running stamina back up again so knowing that I can push past song 4 is really exciting.

Song 5 comes on and I'm still feeling fairly well. Yeah, I'm getting tired but I know that I can continue running. Nothing is hurting me; the only true discomfort I feel is my breathing and the fact that I am sweating all over the place. Song 6 starts playing and of course it's getting a wee bit harder to run but I just keep telling myself that I can do this. I mean by this point, I know I have to be around the 1.5 mile mark which means I can probably hold out for another half mile and make it a nice round 2 miles (I have this thing about round numbers). I have told myself that I am going to keep on running through song number 8 because if I can get through 8 full songs then I know I will have made it though 2 full miles.

Around the beginning to middle of song 7 I know that I have to go to the bathroom. And by go to the bathroom I mean I have to poop. I understand this happens when you exercise. Hell, I spent my first 2 years on my high school swim team taking a poop after warm ups because I always had to go. So I understand that exercising makes one poop. What I did not account for was how strongly those urges can come upon you and how much your body will fight you from holding it in. I knew that I had to go to the bathroom but I was not willing to stop running because I was so close to hitting that 2 mile marker and I was going to hit 2 miles no matter what. I was determined to make it through but sadly that did not happen. My body pretty much gave me a giant "Eff you!" and I swear to God it felt like I pooping in my pants. How mortifying is that?!?! Who wants to be the 23 year old who can't control their own bowel movements? I mean, I expect that I'll have these kinds of problems in the future but I also expected them to start in about 50 more years.

What's truly ridiculous about this whole thing, though, is the fact that when I felt like I was getting ready to crap myself I did not immediately jump off the treadmill and run for a bathroom. Oh no. I just slowed my pace down to a walk thinking that I could get myself under control and be alright. Then I saw that I had run 1.85 miles and was ticked off that I had to stop running because I totally would have hit my 2 miles. So after about 1 minute of walking I decide to say to my body "Suck on that!" and I proceed to start running again because I am going to actually run a full 2 miles. Yes, I ran my last .15 mile. No, I did not actually poop in my pants (although, I don't think anyone would be shocked if I did at this point).

Once I finally finished my 2 miles I started walking for my warm down, got about 10 seconds into it, realized I would never be able to finish, immediately gathered all of my belongings and raced towards the bathroom. It was definitely one of the more satisfying trips to the bathroom that I have ever taken because I'm pretty sure I emptied my entire colon on that bathroom visit. It also made me realize that I never want to have to go through that ever again. But let's be honest here, chances are if I'm in a similar situation of trying to reach some personal goal I'd probably do the same thing all over again. Here's to hoping that next time I'm just lucky as I was a few days ago.

Long and Lean? Not Quite, But Working On It

I think I may have figured out one way to stay motivated through all of this: jeans. I was at work on Saturday and thinking to myself that I really needed to do my laundry because my jeans were fairly stretched out and definitely not doing my butt any favors. And then I thought that maybe I should try on a pair of size 14's (I'm currently a size 16) to see how they fit and gauge how far away I am from moving down a size. I remember I did that with the 16's a year ago and was ecstatic to see that I while the 16's weren't completely flattering I could button them up.

So after work I'm trying on clothes and I decide to try on the Long and Leans first because let's be honest, out of all the Gap jeans those are the ones you can move down in size first. I put the 14's on and not only did they fit but they looked really good too! I was so happy it was crazy. I stood in my fitting on the verge of tears I was so happy. I honestly don't remember the exact last time that I was a size 14. I know it was somewhere around 7th or 8th grade but that's it. To know that I'm at a size that I was at 10 years ago is crazy to me (and a wee bit sad when I think about how fat I was at that age).

While I was obviously very pumped about this experience I also knew that the Long and Leans aren't the best judge of true size and it could very well be that those are the only pants I'd actually fit into at that size. And for the most part I was right. The Sexy Boot definitely did not button and the Always Skinny were no where close to being able to fit (that's the true testament of being that size - if I can fit into the Always Skinny). But I was also trying on some dress pants because I do need some. In the Hip Slung dress pants I am in fact a size 14. I tried on the Curvy dress pants in a 16 and they were a wee bit loose, but kind of OK. I think in those I'm in between the 14 and 16 but I didn't try on the 14 because well by that point I didn't really care all that much. I was too freaking excited that I'm moving my way down to the 14 club!!

Trying on those jeans helped me realize that going to the gym and actively trying to live healthier does have its rewards. It's taken me 5 months to get there but I'm finally moving out of what I know. I know what size 16 feels like. Below that, I've got nothing. So this being somewhere new in my journey to a healthier me is exciting and it is very rewarding. But most of all, it is very inspirational. I got home from my jean fit session and immediately went to the gym (and no, it was not the first time I went that week either). After my almost 2 month work out hiatus I've been building my running stamina back up and I pushed myself to 1.24 miles. While not near my record of 2.5 miles it's still a step along the way. And really, that's all this is, a bunch of steps. I know I can only take one at a time and it may take me what feels like forever to get where I want to go but if I keep on taking those steps eventually I will reach my destination.

So honestly, if you're like me and grasping for anything motivational after the initial buzz has worn off go try on some jeans. It may be exactly what you need to get back into that gym and recommit you to your healthy lifestyle. I know for me putting on those jeans has been the most rewarding part of this journey so far.

When Does Inspiration Strike?

How does one find the motivation to go the gym? I mean really. We're coming to the middle of February in Chicago with a snow storm headed our way and I'm supposed to want to leave my apartment, walk the 7 blocks to the gym and work out? What would ever possess me to want to do that?

When I made the commitment to live a healthier lifestyle 4 months ago I had motivation all over the place. I was a woman on a mission and I was going to listen to trainer Dave and live right by everything he told me in that introductory session. Going to work out 5 times a week was something that I was all over and I would not allow myself any excuses not to go. But by mid-December (when I had lost about 18 pounds, was looking pretty good and feeling pretty good) I fell out of my work out routine. I went home for a few weeks for Christmas and ever since returning I just can't find any motivation to go. I tell myself that I'm up way too early for work or I have errands I really need to accomplish so setting aside 2 hours to spend at the gym isn't feasible. But the whole time I'm saying this to myself another part of me is screaming that I am full of shit. And I know I am!! Yes, I would in fact like to do my laundry and go to the grocery store but I'm not spending 8 hours doing either of those activities. I can easily fit in a work out. I've even taken my gym bag to work with me so I won't go home. Oh no, even that doesn't stop me from my own bull shit. When my bus comes to my bus stop I'll decide to get off instead of going two more stops and spending my time doing something worthwhile.

I was so motivated in the beginning and the fact that I'm not at all now is so disconcerting. I mean, how does anyone stick to a work out plan? If there's one thing I've learned in all my years of being a fat kid it's that you have to want to lose weight for yourself and you have to be ready to do it. I thought I had hit that point back in October, but maybe I didn't. Or maybe this is just one of those tests you need to push through in order to come out on the other side. I feel like an addict because I keep telling myself to just take it one day at a time, but that doesn't seem to be working. I just keep making the excuses and end up sitting on my couch watching 5 episodes of NCIS. All I know is that sooner or later that inspiration needs to strike otherwise the only thing I'll be losing is $80 a month on a gym membership I'm not using.